Apoplectic -- Rage Hard

The driver behind me in the big white SUV was in the throes of an apoplectic fit. It was quite a sight filling my rearview mirror. Hands and arms jerking in gesticulations of rage, mouth stretched wide in one bellow after another, veins in his neck throbbing. Even his eyebrows seemed to stand up and bristle. If the hairs on his head could've acted independently, I'm sure they would've cussed me out in semaphore.

I could indeed see all this pretty clearly since he was tailgating so close he might as well have been in my backseat. My crime? Refusing to drive over 70 mph in the far left lane on the Dulles Toll Road. Ok, sure, I could have taken the hint from his gestures and moved over a lane to let him fly by unimpeded any longer by my pokey vehicle. But I had gotten over to the left so that I could exit onto the access road for the airport where I had a flight to catch. Yeah, I got over a few miles earlier than I really needed to, but I didn't want to miss the exit and besides, this is a 4-lane road and anyone behind me who insisted on doing no more than a minimum of 70 on this 55-mph-limit highway had plenty of space to go around me on the right. Which is finally what my neanderthal buddy did, though he kept pace alongside me long enough to send a few more choice words my way along with a copious amount of spittle. He even tossed a Coke can out the window as he gunned the engine to fly ahead.

I'm only exaggerating somewhat. This guy was the picture you'd see in the encyclopedia entry on apoplexy, a term used since the days of ancient Greece to refer to the symptoms of suffering what we now call a stroke. It morphed into a figurative term for the sort of furor that makes people's eyes bulge and chests heave. The incident might've been -- perhaps should've been -- scary to me at the time given how close he followed for a while. It's funny in hindsight. Yet mostly what I felt at the moment was sadness. For him and for me. What a senseless waste of energy on this guy's part. All that anger, all that emotion, and to what purpose? It didn't get him anywhere any faster, didn't make me repent for being such an impediment to others and swear to mend my ways.

But perhaps it at least made him feel better to let off some steam? I have to think this guy was having a really bad day given the level of rage he demonstrated. Letting off steam is how I justify my own incidents of road rage. Which is why the incident made me feel sad for myself as much as for apoplectic SUV man.

I'd like to think I've never been as bad as this guy, but truth be told, I've done my share of top of the lungs yelling at someone who has cut me off, braked too sharply, coasted too slowly, or just generally driven in a manner that I consider to be moronic. Yet, to what purpose that waste of energy and emotion on my part? It didn't make the other driver mend her error, get me where I needed to go faster, or otherwise do anything other than send some ugly karma out into the universe. If I were honest with myself I'd say it didn't make me feel any better, either. It probably only helped the rancor linger since my pointing out the flaws in other people's driving has never yielded any signs of remorse on their part that would soothe my nerves.

This is true of so many of the annoyances and inconveniences we inevitably encounter throughout our lives. Airports with their long lines at ticket counters and security are notorious for such irritations. So, thanks to apoplectic SUV man, I arrived at the airport in a zen frame of mind. The teen sports team members who had no clue about the new security rules and held up the line? Whatever. The guy in front of me on the plane who reclined his seat as far back as it would go and then occasionally tried to treat it like a rocking chair? Eh, he never hit my book and interrupted my reading.

I can't promise that I'll be able to maintain this zen state of mind on a continuous basis. In fact, I've already reneged a few times since that flight. But I'm going to try to remember the sight of apoplectic SUV man in my rearview mirror and remind myself, you don't want to be such an unhappy, pathetic character yourself so just chill out.

Dictionary Definition:
Roots: Latin apoplecticus, from Greek apoplēktikos meaning ‘disable by a stroke’
Prounounced: ap-uh-plek-tik
1. Of, resembling, or produced by apoplexy, a sudden impairment of nuerological funtion esp. when resulting from a cerebral hemorrhage.
2. Having or inclined to have apoplexy; exhibiting symptoms associated with apoplexy.
3. Extremely angry; furious.